Unconditional Love

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What It Looks Like
I finished reading What It Looks Like by Marta Maranda in April, and have shared some of her ideas that I found helpful. Today, I am sharing some of her thoughts on unconditional love.

But the chance is far greater that you’ll find someone who will insist that you “take me as I am,” rather than “take me as I am right now…”

More often than not, when one speaks of unconditional love it has nothing to do with how he feels about you, but how he wants you to feel about him and the dysfunctions he has no desire to heal. However, unconditional love does not mean unconditional acceptance. While you can feel compassion for one’s trauma and pain, you cannot accept dysfunctional ways of suppressing or managing them. If you do, you are not loving unconditionally. You are enabling.

Unconditional love also includes unconditionally loving oneself. It means I will no longer consciously expose myself to or remain in the presence of dysfunctional speech and behavior…

Love is unconditional, but a relationship is reciprocal.

I especially appreciate Maranda’s distinction between unconditional love and unconditional acceptance. Has no one ever pointed that out to me before? Was I just not paying attention? (I think this distinction was probably what my mother was trying to get at when she would say, “I always love your father, but I don’t always like your father.”)

So what I need to learn how to say (or at least think, as I remove myself from a situation) is, “I love you no matter what, but I’m not going to accept your no-good behavior.”

I also appreciate the distinction between “take me as I am,” and “take me as I am right now.” I see it as a difference between thinking “I’m fucked up and there’s nothing I can do about it” and “I’m fucked up, but I’m working on getting better.” Seems like many people I meet have just accepted that they are emotionally and mentally a hot mess. I honestly want to be a better person than I currently am. That’s going to take work.

About Blaize Sun

My name is Blaize Sun. Maybe that's the name my family gave me; maybe it's not. In any case, that's the name I'm using here and now. I've been a rubber tramp for nearly a decade.I like to see places I've never seen before, and I like to visit the places I love again and again. For most of my years on the road, my primary residence was my van. For almost half of the time I was a van dweller, I was going it alone. Now my (male) partner and I (a woman) have a travel trailer we can pull with our truck. We have a little piece of property, and when we're not traveling, we park our little camper there. I was a work camper in a remote National Forest recreation area on a mountain for four seasons. I was a camp host and parking lot attendant for two seasons and wrote a book about my experiences called Confessions of a Work Camper: Tales from the Woods. During the last two seasons as a work camper on that mountain, I was a clerk in a campground store. I'm also a house and pet sitter, and I pick up odd jobs when I can. I'm primarily a writer, but I also create beautiful little collages; hand make hemp jewelry and warm, colorful winter hats; and use my creative and artistic skills to decorate my life and brighten the lives of others. My goal (for my writing and my life) is to be real. I don't like fake, and I don't want to share fake. I want to share my authentic thoughts and feelings. I want to give others space and permission to share their authentic selves. Sometimes I think the best way to support others is to leave them alone and allow them to be. I am more than just a rubber tramp artist. I'm fat. I'm funny. I'm flawed. I try to be kind. I'm often grouchy. I am awed by the stars in the dark desert night. I hope my writing moves people. If my writing makes someone laugh or cry or feel angry or happy or troubled or comforted, I have done my job. If my writing makes someone think and question and try a little harder, I've done my job. If my writing opens a door for someone, changes a life, I have done my job well. I hope you enjoy my blog posts, my word and pictures, the work I've done to express myself in a way others will understand. I hope you appreciate the time and energy I put into each post. I hope you will click the like button each time you like what you have read. I hope you will share posts with the people in your life. I hope you'll leave a comment and share your authentic self with me and this blog's other readers. Thank you for reading.  A writer without readers is very sad indeed.

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