My Jobs (Nine Truths and a Lie)

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In response to the Facebook nine truths and a lie game about concerts, a couple of my friends played by listing jobs instead of music shows. I wanted to play too, so here today I give you nine jobs I’ve actually held and one lie.

Can you guess which job I never worked? Leave your guesses in the comments below.

#1 Worker at dog food factory. I made sure bags of Kibbles & Bits didn’t jam the equipment, and I picked up any bags dumped on the floor because of incorrect weight. I lasted at this job literally two days before swearing I would never go back.

#2 Lunchroom lady at a junior high school. Specifically, I was the dishwasher. I mostly ran the red plastic trays and the silverware thought the dishwashing machine, but I did wash some pans and utensils by hand.

#3 Photographer at a camp for kids with disabilities. I took posed group shots and lots of candid shots. I developed all the film and printed all the photos for the camp yearbook.

#4 Switchboard operator at a bank. I wore conservative dresses, covered my tattoos, answered all incoming calls, and routed them to the proper department. Between phone calls, I did light typing and read magazines.

#5 Worker at a scanning service. My job consisted of removing staples and stacking papers neatly for eight hours a night. I saw people’s financial information, including mothers’ maiden names and social security numbers.

#6 Picker at a chestnut farm. Chestnuts aren’t picked from the trees, They are picked up from the ground after they fall from the trees. I sat on my butt on the ground and gathered all the chestnuts within arm’s reach before moving to the next spot.

#7 Birthday party clown at a fast food joint. When I was over the job and had to do a party for kids too old for a fast food joint party, I told a boy my clown name was “Dildo.”

#8 Sales associate at a t-shirt shop on Bourbon Street in New Orleans. I was fired for being aggressive and having a bad attitude.

#9 Concierge at a French Quarter guest house. I got cash commissions for booking tours and spoke to people who made pilgrimages to see the place where Johnny Thunders died.

#10 Scorer of student responses to standardized tests. I’ve actually worked this temp job on four different occasions. It’s a physically easy but mind-numbing job.

22 Responses »

  1. #4. The words to describe this job sound like they were lifted from the job description or employment ad.

    • Nope! I really did pick chestnuts for one season at Chestnut Charlie’s farm. I think I was paid by the pound, and I think what I picked equaled about $8 an hour. I worked there in the mid 2000s. I think I was hired late in the season as a fill-in picker.

    • Oh, Laura-Marie, I really did work at a t-shirt shop on Bourbon Street. It was family friendly, which meant there were none of those shirts showing space aliens and other humanoids in different sex positions. Also, no t-shirts proclaiming the wearer as a “certified muff diver.” I worked there for a couple of years, while I was still in college and briefly after I graduated. I really was accused of being “aggressive and having a bad attitude” during the phone call (!) during which I was fired. I don’t know about aggressive, but I did have a bad attitude by the time the whole thing was over.

  2. Everyone who’s guessed #4 as my lie of a job, sorry, but you are WRONG! I really was a switchboard operator in a bank, probably around 2004. It was the first temp job I got through Manpower, after I quit my library job and began making my money through temp jobs, either through the temp agency or those I hustled up myself. I really liked the bank job, despite the conservative dresses. I worked at the bank for about two weeks before handing the phone over to the new full-time, permanent worker.

    • AND WE HAVE A WINNER!

      You’re right Kathy, I never held a job as a birthday party clown at a fast food joint. However, #7 is the true story of a job held by someone very close to me who did in fact tell a 10 or 11 year old boy that her clown name was “Dildo.” She didn’t even get fired! But she refused to act as the party clown after that.

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