Sadness and Regret


It is with great sadness and regret that I tell you The Man and I have parted ways. It doesn’t really Kintsugi Heart by j4p4nmatter why; he and I would probably give different reasons.

We are still friends, and we still love each other very much. If the Beatles ever sang anything that was downright wrong, I can say with confidence it was “all you need is love.” I think love is simply the beginning of what’s needed for a relationship to work.

I’ve learned so much from the time I spent with The Man these last ten months. I was reminded how much I desperately need alone time. I saw that I still put the needs of others before my own needs. I learned to not be so scared and to not obsess so much about things that don’t really matter in the end.

Could I have done more to make the relationship work? Maybe. Probably. In each moment I felt as if I were doing all I could, but in retrospect, I see times when I could have tried harder.

I know being out of the romantic relationship is best for both of us, but there’s also a core of sadness running through my being. It’s easy to remember only the sweetness when I know I’ll never experience it again. I’m not just losing my lover; I’m losing my cuddle buddy, my class clown, my best hugger, my dear friend. Yes, yes, we’ll stay in touch, we’ll still be friends, but now he’ll be one more person in my life who’s too far away.

The Man will still be mentioned here from time to time, when I tell happy stories of past adventures, but know, in reality he’s gone, and I’m sad about it.

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About Blaize Sun

I live in my van, which makes me a rubber tramp. I like to see places I’ve never seen before, and I like to visit the places I love again and again.

I like to play with color. I make collages and hemp jewelry and cheerful winter hats. I take photographs and (sometimes, not in a long time) write poetry. All of those things make me an artist.

Although I like to spread joy and to make people laugh, my wit can be sharp. I try to stay positives in all situations, to find the goodness in all people. But I often feel compelled to point out bullshit when I smell it.

I like to have fun, to dance, to eat yummy food, to sit by a fire and share stories. I want to know what people hold dear and important, not just make surface small talk.

This blog is a way for me to share stories. This blog is made up of my stories, rants, and observations, as well as my photographs.

12 Responses »

  1. I’m so sorry it didn’t work out. I’m going through something similar and it hurts. I had forgotten how much breakups hurts. Not just in big, bold, intensely painful ways, but in quiet, wispy, gentle ways, ways that make me feel uncertain and unsure, like I just woke up and I have yet to find my bearings. But I’ve been here before, I survived, and I became a stronger, better person because I put all my focus on being a stronger, better person. I know you will do the same, but I still wish we didn’t have to. Hugs, strong, beautiful, resilient one.

    • Oh, Cerene, thank you for this beautiful comment. Yes, sometimes the quiet, gently, wispy hurts hurt most of all. There are so many little things I can’t let myself remember right now.

      But you are right, I will survive and grow stronger. So will you.

      I’m sorry you are also having relationship pain. I hope your pain passes quickly, but if it lingers, don’t give up.

      Thank you for reading and understanding and sharing.

    • Thank you, Laura-Marie. I appreciate your friendship and your love. Also, thanks for saying this post is beautiful.It means a lot, coming from a fabulous writer like you.

  2. Pain is never easy, no matter how many times we have had to go through with it. Sorry you are having to feel this way right now. I know what you mean about loving your alone time. You are a very talented, smart, sensitive and sensible woman. Keep remembering these amazing traits you have and you will just grow stronger and stronger. Sending you hugs and positive energy your way.

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