Dear 2017

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Free stock photo of date, tablet, calendar, displayDear 2017,

I had such high hopes for you.

Since 1997, every ten years I’ve had a really good year.

1997 was the best year of my life. I had two boyfriends, love, sex, a job I liked, my own small but cute home, and lots of good friends with whom I had many good times.

2007 was a great year too. My boyfriend was long distance, but he loved and supported me. I did a work exchange at a writer’s retreat and spent a month writing poems. I got the best job of my life. I created art and had wonderful friends.

So I had great expectations for you, 2017. You were going to be my year, a much deserved respite action, background, blurfrom the hardships of the last decade.

You started out with a bang, 2017.

I’d just self-published my first book, Confessions of a Work Camper: Tales from the Woods I thought surely everyone in the world would want to read it.

Then I met a wonderful man. There was hot sex, and I fell in love with him. He seemed to like me as much as I liked him. We had deep conversations, laughed a lot, and snuggled. Life was GOOD and I woke up happy and excited to face each day.

You gave me everything I wanted for my birthday, 2017. I soaked in hot mineral water with the man I liked so much. I ate pie and ice cream in the park with friends. The fellow and I ate pizza for dinner, and later had nice birthday sex. It was a wonderful celebration of my life.

White and Red Plastic Heart Balloon on Sky during DaytimeBy the beginning of spring, the man had become The Man, and he said he wanted to be with me, to live and travel with me. He built a big bed in my van, a bed big enough for the two of us and the dog to sleep and snuggle . I was on top of the world.

What happened, 2017? Why’d you start falling apart after that?

Living in the van together was too much togetherness. The quarrels started. The Man’s constant mental state of indecision and flux made me nervous and irritable. My fear of being broke went against The Man’s belief that the Universe will always provide just enough.

The middle part of you got harder, 2017. The Man and I went through a series of break-ups and getting back togethers. We were working together and sharing a campsite and my heart hurt so much to be close to him but not be his partner. I know I wasn’t always as nice as I should have been while I tried to protect my heart.

I was joyous, yet cautious the last time he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. Maybe you were going to come through for me after all, 2017. I told him yes.

You know the rest of the story, 2017.

The Man and I spent a month apart, but we talked on the phone seveal times a day. Every time we talked, he asked when I was coming “home.” He told me he loved me and missed me. Yet less than two weeks after we’d reunited, he told me again that the relationship was over. He wanted to be alone, he said. We wanted different things, he said. I knew this was it for the two of us, unless someday he’d want to be committed or I’d want to be casual. My heart was shredded, but I knew being apart was best for both of us.

Why’d you let me down, 2017? I was really counting on you.

But now you’re over and I have to let you go too.

Thanks for the lessons, 2017, and thanks for the memories as well.

In disappointment, grief, and yes, hope too,

Blaize

 

Images courtesy of https://www.pexels.com/photo/calendar-date-device-digital-289689/, https://www.pexels.com/photo/action-background-blur-bottles-269561/ , and https://www.pexels.com/photo/white-and-red-plastic-heart-balloon-on-sky-during-daytime-33479/.

About Blaize Sun

I live in my van, which makes me a rubber tramp. I like to see places I've never seen before, and I like to visit the places I love again and again. I like to play with color. I make collages and hemp jewelry and cheerful winter hats. I take photographs and (sometimes, not in a long time) write poetry. All of those things make me an artist. Although I like to spread joy and to make people laugh, my wit can be sharp. I try to stay positives in all situations, to find the goodness in all people. But I often feel compelled to point out bullshit when I smell it. I like to have fun, to dance, to eat yummy food, to sit by a fire and share stories. I want to know what people hold dear and important, not just make surface small talk. This blog is a way for me to share stories. This blog is made up of my stories, rants, and observations, as well as my photographs.

6 Responses »

  1. I guess I see it differently. I think 2017 didn’t let you down at all. I think it led you to end a relationship that wasn’t right for you. It was good and fun for awhile but it got stale. Like stale bread, if you catch it in time you can salvage it and use it to make something great like croutons. But you can’t eat a sandwich on a crouton. It just doesn’t satisfy. Lol.
    I think 2017 may have given you a gift of not having to live with uncertainty or with the emotional roller coaster of someone who no longer sees who you really are.
    So, who are you?
    Seems to me you’re strong, smart, you have good intuition about people, you don’t take a lot of crap, but you’re willing to take some, you’re quite positive all in all, you have good judgement, you will hard and you’re creative. You have been able to make your world and accept it, for better or for worse.
    You’re doing fine. I think you’re great.

  2. I’m sure you don’t remember me, but we met at RTR 2016. I’ve read every one of your posts since then and enjoy them very much. God only gives us challenges that He knows we can handle. Have a little faith, a little patience and be thankful for all you have received. He has plans for all of us. We just don’t get to see them in advance. Perhaps yours is the positive influence you give your readers. Keep up the good work, safe travels and God Bless. Perhaps our paths will cross again at RTR 2018.

    David (a bus called HANNAH)

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