My dad has a lot of thoughts, opinions, and ideas, and he’s not afraid to say anything out loud. Today I want to share some of the words that came out of my father’s mouth repeatedly during the years I lived under his roof. (Not all of these sayings originated with my dad, but he said them so much, I think of them as his.) I’ll let the reader decide for him/herself which words are really wise.
A lock is to keep an honest man honest.
You know what thought did? He thought he’s farted, but he’d shit his pants.
It’s not illegal if you don’t get caught.
If everybody liked the same thing, there wouldn’t be enough to go around.
Spit in the air and it lands on your nose.
Six of one, half a dozen of another.
[When he wanted a kid to leave so he could be alone with Mom] Be gone, peasant!
Possession is 9/10 of the law.
“Assume” makes an ass of you and me.
[If a kid were crying about some hurt] You won’t remember this on your wedding day.
[If a kid were crying about some hurt he thought was insignificant] Do you want me to smash your fingers with a hammer so you’ll know what hurt really is?
[If a kid were misbehaving] I’m going to rip off your arm and beat you with the bloody end.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
I only know of one guy who was perfect, and they crucified that son-of-a-bitch.
It’s all over but the cryin’.
[To describe something dark] It’s darker than 65 miles out in the desert on the darkest night of the year.
Who lied to you and said life was fair, kid?
What words of wisdom did your parents offer when you were young? What were the catchphrases in your family? What did you tell your own kids? Feel free to leave a comment sharing your family’s words.