Tag Archives: pick-up lines

Oct3

Water and Electricity

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It was my first summer at the Bridge, long before the guy in the laundromat asked me if I went there often.

One hot day, a guy with a guitar showed up and sat down just beyond the sidewalk across the street from the vendors. The guy started playing his guitar and singing enthusiastically. He wasn’t very good, but I believe in supporting people who try. I asked my friend Mateo if he knew the guy; Mateo told me no.

The guy was playing what radio stations call “classic rock,” and I said I’d just about have to give him a dollar if he played something by the Grateful Dead. I didn’t have many dollars in those days, but I had even less music in my life, hardly ever the Grateful Dead.

On the way to the restroom, I stopped to talk to the guy.

Do you know anything by the Grateful Dead? I asked him.

He looked at me, and I thought oh, no because he had crazy eyes. I can’t explain what made them crazy. Maybe they didn’t focus right. They just didn’t look the way people’s eyes normally look. I knew he was not someone I could handle in my life at the moment.

He started talking really fast. He didn’t have any Grateful Dead songs in this book, but he thought he had one in his other book, it was in the car, he had a car, it was parked up at the rest area, if it started raining, he was going to put his guitar in the car because rain was the enemy of the guitar, he had water and electricity out at his place.

At that point he took a breath, and I said ok, see you later, and steered well clear of him when I came back down from the restroom.

That was the best pick up line anyone has ever used on me. Water and electricity. Ha! It didn’t work (even though I was homeless at the time and didn’t have water or electricity, much less a place), but it was a great line.

Is that how you guys pick up women in New Mexico? I asked Mateo. By offering water and electricity?

It turns out that Mateo did know who the guy was. He was the guy who’d come to the Bridge before to play guitar and sing badly, curse loudly at tourists, and stalk women. I knew those eyes were crazy.

Apr14

Do You Come Here Often?

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I was at the laundromat on the north side of town.

I had actually finished doing my laundry. All of my clothes were clean, dry, folded, and back in the van. However, I had internet access at the laundromat, and I was waiting to see how an auction on Ebay would turn out. I was toggling between checking the status of the auction and playing solitaire.

A man I’d never seen before came into the laundromat. He was tall and a little chunky and had dark hair. He looked like a white guy to me. I didn’t find him particularly attractive. I wasn’t paying that much attention to him at first, although he was putting clothes into the washer nearest to where I was sitting. Then I noticed he was clearing his throat loudly and repeatedly. Either he had a nervous tic or something was stuck way down in his throat.

Once his clothes were in the washer, he walked toward me. He asked if I were bored a lot. I don’t know if he saw I was playing solitaire and assumed I was bored or if that was just his opening line. I said, “Oh no!” Then I told him just how busy I am, how I never have time to get bored. At that moment, my good-Southern-lady upbringing kicked in, and I asked, “How about you?”

Why did I do that? I did not care if he was often bored. I was not interested in conversing with him. I wanted to be on my way in six minutes, as soon as I knew the outcome of my auction. Yet, I engaged him in conversation. I guess that makes it my fault.

He told me that yes, indeed he was bored a lot. He said he’d just moved to town and didn’t have (m)any friends, so he often didn’t have anything to do.

Next he gestured at the empty chair next to me and asked if he could sit there. It was not the only empty chair in the laundromat, but since I am not the Queen of Chairs, what could I say? It was not my chair to withhold, so I said yes.

He sat down next to me and I SWEAR TO GOD (or any other deity of your choice), he said to me, “Do you come here often?”

I have to give him credit for using a pick up line that no one else had ever used on me.

My brain was on duty that day, because I shot right back to him, “Only when my clothes are dirty.”

It was one of my finest moments. It was one of my best comebacks ever. I was so proud of myself.

He was not deterred, however, because in mere moments he asked for my phone number, asked if he could call me some time.

Again, I was thinking quick because I said, “Um, no. I’m just not looking for any of that.”

By that time the auction had ended, and my computer was shutting down. I snapped my laptop shut, and ducked out the door, hoping he wouldn’t see what vehicle I hopped into as I made my escape.