Monthly Archives: January 2016

What a Long, Strange Shopping Trip It’s Been

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I spent the night in my van in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart in a small (population less than 10,000) Southwest desert town. I woke before daybreak and bundled up for the long walk from my van to the store’s entrance.

After my visit to the restroom, I wandered through the store, trying to remember what supplies I needed. I took a shortcut through the men’s clothing department on my way to the propane canisters in the sporting good section. I ended up walking next to a wall of t-shirts and slowed down to see what was on display.

WHAT!?!?

There among the shirts featuring SpongeBob and Patrick, the Pink Floyd prism, and a kitten with a bandana around its head (captioned “Hug Life”) was a bright tie-dye with a spiral of Grateful Dead bears.

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One might think those Grateful Dead bears are all about dancing and joy and love. If one thought such a thing, one would be only partially right.

Bear (Owsley Stanley) was for a time the Grateful Dead’s sound guy. He was also, for a time, the Grateful Dead’s LSD guy. Yep, Bear was manufacturing lots and lots of delightful acid. (According to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Owsley_Stanley, Bear

was the first private individual to manufacture mass quantities of LSD.[1][2][3] By his own account, between 1965 and 1967, [Bear] produced no less than 500 grams of LSD, amounting to a little over a million doses at the time.[4])

And according to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grateful_Dead,

A series of stylized dancing bears was drawn by Bob Thomas as part of the back cover for the album History of the Grateful Dead, Volume One (Bear’s Choice) (1973). Thomas reported that he based the bears on a lead sort from an unknown font.[103] The bear is a reference to Owsley “Bear” Stanley, who recorded and produced the album. Bear himself wrote, “the bears on the album cover are not really ‘dancing’. I don’t know why people think they are; their positions are quite obviously those of a high-stepping march.”[97]

Those bears–dancing or not–in their most basic sense represent Bear, and Bear represents LSD to lots and lots of folks. That LSD connection might explain the bears’ bright colors and the psychedelic backgrounds often seen behind them. (Whenever I see some little kid on the lot dressed in a tiny t-shirt with one of those bears on it I snicker to myself and wonder if the Deadhead parents–or grandparents–even realized they’ve made their precious darling a walking advertisement for lab produced hallucinogens.)

So there I was in Wal-Mart, faced with tie dye and dancing bears and the Grateful Dead–representations of drug culture, hippie culture, counterculture–all before 7am.

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I wanted one of those shirts! Lord, the price was only $7.50. I pawed through the display and found a size XXL. I really wanted one of the shirts. I put the shirt on over my jacket, and it felt a little too tight. I peeled off the shirt, then the jacket, put the tie dye on over my long sleeve t-shirt. I still didn’t like the way it fit. Damn!

I put the shirt back in the stack and went about my life. Even $7.50 is not a bargain if I don’t like the way the shirt fits. But I was sure sad to not be able to sport those bears and tell folks they’d come from Wal-Mart.

I took the photos.

Declaration of Independence

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I was cleaning my vanhome recently and I found a fat envelope I thought contained old letters a friend had written to me. When I looked closely, I realized the handwriting on the paper was mine. On some of the pages I’d copied texts I’d written to friends soon after leaving my not-very-nice boyfriend. On another page was a poem I’d composed less than one month after leaving that guy. I want to share the poem today.

Declaration of Independence

I want to

sport hot pink bandanas,

sleep when the sun set,

and awaken at dawn.

 

I want to

laugh at my own jokes,

dance among raindrops,

then sit in silence and calm.

 

I want to

read paperback novels,

eat yogurt and apples,

wear pants and be strong.

 

Santa Barbara

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I was feeling tired and on the verge of getting a cold the day we set out for Santa Barbara. I ended up lying in my bed napping wile Mr. Carolina drove the van. I thought the kids had a plan, an idea of where we could park so they could sleep outside. I was willing to let them handle the logistics.

I awoke to bickering, and it wasn’t just the Fighting Couple (FC) arguing. Mr. FC thought he knew where we should park. Sweet L and Mr. Carolina and Robbie didn’t like Mr. FC’s idea, but they didn’t have anything better to suggest. We could see the beach right over there, but all the street signs prohibited us from parking nearby.Park, Signs, Travel, No Parking, Transportation

Mr. Carolina got mad and said he wasn’t driving anymore. Robbie said he’d drive, but he was really bad at it, and we were soon telling him to pull over and let someone else take the wheel. Mr. FC got in the driver’s seat and headed out of town. There was more yelling, and Mr. FC relinquished the driver’s seat. Then Mr. Carolina was back at the wheel, and we were circling through the city again.

I asked about the plan, and it turned out the plan ended at get to Santa Barbara. No one had any idea of what we would do when we arrived.

California, Sea, Ocean, Pacific, Waves, Seashore, BeachSomehow, Mr. Carolina found us the perfect spot. We were on a residential street, although the residences to our left looked like mansions to me. To our right was a park. Bellow the park was a beach and the ocean. We could hear waves crashing below. Best of all, there was no sign regulating parking.

I climbed back into my bed while everyone else tumbled out of the van with their packs to sleep on the beach. Although in the light of day we saw signs declaring the illegality of beach sleeping, no on challenged the beach sleeping during the days we were there.

The next night Furthur played at the Santa Barbara Bowl. Furthur was the whole reason we were there. We didn’t have tickets, but we thought we’d just hang out in the lot. I planned to sell hemp jewelry, but that plan didn’t work out.

The official parking lot was small and the charge was $10, a ridiculously large price for a bunch of kids traveling with empty pockets. Like most of the folks arriving for the show, we found a free place to park on a nearby side street. It turned out to be a good thing we hadn’t scrounged up money for parking because the people in charge of the lot were not allowing vending.

We ended up walking back and forth on the streets between where we’d parked and the entrance to the venue. There were Deadheads everywhere, so there was something of a lot scene, but more dispersed. The Fighting Couple was hawking their hemp creations (necklaces with pouches for stones fashioned in such a way that the stone was removable and replaceable), hustling pretty hard to get money. Me? I just didn’t care much about selling hemp jewelry and quickly gave up.

As we walked through the clusters of Deadheads, Sweet L and Mr. Carolina repeatedly met people they knew, including three guys they’d lived with or near during some portion of the summer. Mr. Carolina had told me stories of these boys, called them his brothers, and that was good enough for me. Anyone Mr. Carolina trusted, I trusted too.

Mick, the eldest of the group, with dark hair and brooding dark eyes, was obviously the leader. When he spoke, everybody listened. The Viking, a young blond man with rocks wrapped in his hair and a reddish beard, was Mick’s right hand man. Karl was the quiet one, and even his birth-control glasses didn’t hide his pretty boy looks.

Some time during that afternoon I sat on the sidewalk of a side street away from the crowds and looked at shiny rocks with Sweet L and Karl and the Viking. Karl made pendants from shiny rocks and wire, and I gave him a piece of rainbow obsidian that had broken when the wind blew it off my vending table. I thought maybe he could wrap the stone in some way to hide the broken part. He was grateful for it and gave me a couple of cool shiny rocks in return.

As we sat there, I told them about my snowflake obsidian experience, and they they thanked me for sharing my story with them. I feared most people would think me a little too woo-woo if they heard that story, so I was glad the boys actually appreciated it.

Day turned to night and none of us had tickets or money to buy them. Maybe the Fighting Couple made money and bought tickets. I don’t remember. By this point in our journey, none of the rest of us wanted anything to do with them. In fact, with Sweet L’s and Mr. Carolina’s backing, I’d told them they’d have to get another ride out of Santa Barbara. In any case, the Fighting Couple (thankfully) wasn’t hanging out with me and the boys.

Mick did, however, have psychedelics, but when he shared them, none were offered to me. I thought that was a little unfriendly, but I figured since he really didn’t know me, he probably wasn’t obligated to make sure I got any.

Later, as Sweet L and I visited with other folks who weren’t going into the show, a friend of his offered us a bump of molly. I took my bit and felt exactly nothing. Later someone gave me what was supposed to be psychedelics. I imbibed that too, and over the course of the night realized it had no effect on me. Weird. I can accept that I ended up with a bunk hit, but having two different drugs from two different people in one night fail to work? No such thing had ever happened to me before.

As Sweet L and I walked through the neighborhood away from the crowds, we came across Mr. Carolina, the Viking, Karl, Robbie, and Mick standing on the sidewalk in front of one of the area’s nice houses. Mick was not having a good time.

The people the nice house belonged to joined us on the sidewalk. They were worried about Mick. They wondered if he were ok. They wondered if he needed medical attention. The wondered if he were having a bad trip. We relaxed when we realized these people knew the lingo, when we realized these people were cool. One of the boys allowed that yes, Mick seemed to be having a bad trip.

The strangers went into caretaker mode. They got cushions from their lawn furniture and placed them on the concrete in front of the house so Mick could have a comfy place to rest. Once we got Mick relaxing on the cushions, the homeowners brought us blankets. The woman brought out a jug of water and toasted English muffins smeared with peanut butter and jam. When the homeowners were ready to go to bed, they told us we could stay in their front yard as long as we wanted and even gave us a permission letter to show to any police officer who questioned us. The kindness of strangers indeed!

(Later in the night, a police cruiser did stop in front of the house. A cop got out of the car and began questioning us. Whoever was holding the permission letter showed it to him. The cop immediately backed off and drove away!)

I spent most of the night next to Mick, trying to offer him comfort. He was tired of this life, he said. He didn’t want to be here anymore. He wanted to float away and leave his body behind. I tried to keep him talking, keep him breathing, keep him with us. I was wearing a bracelet of rose quartz (the stone of unconditional love and infinite peace) on a stretchy cord. I slipped it off my wrist and onto his.

All the time, we could hear Furthur playing in the Bowl. The music was distant and a little distorted, but we could hear it, and it was ours.

We sat in front of that house for hours. I don’t know what the others were talking about while I tried to convince Mick to stay, but they were always nearby. Sometimes they’d come over and talk to Mick and me, but mostly they were doing their own thing.

At some point, Mick was mostly back to himself, and Mr. Carolina, Robbie, Sweet L and I went one way, and the other boys went another. I drove the van back to the spot we’d found the night before and settled in. We stayed there the next day and one more night before Mr. Carolina, Sweet L, Robbie, and I headed to Los Angeles.

 

Images courtesy of https://pixabay.com/en/park-signs-travel-no-parking-39412/ and https://pixabay.com/en/california-sea-ocean-pacific-waves-2666059/.

Bruja

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She showed up at the Bridge late one afternoon, after the heat had broken. There were just a few of us vendors still there, trying to make a few dollars more before night fell. Mateo was still there. So was Eddie.

The woman was not in the least interested in me. She was interested in Eddie, and she was very interested in Mateo. She talked directly to him, although Eddie and I listened too.

She said she was an artist. She said she made really large dream catchers. She said she’d be back to the Bridge in the morning to sell her wares. She also said she was a bruja.

I was new to Northern New Mexico, and I didn’t know this word “bruja.” After the woman left, I asked Mateo about it, and he said it meant “witch.” The woman had said she was a witch! Was she bragging or warning?

Before the woman left, she’d said Mateo and Eddie and I were her friends. She said she would set up near us the next day.

I’d recently learned aventurine is believed to protect a person’s heart chakra so his or her energy can’t be stolen. This woman, this bruja, seemed to want our energy, especially Mateo’s. (I don’t think energy is all she wanted from Mateo.) I had small beads of aventurine I’d recently been given by a bead angel (Read that story here: http://www.rubbertrampartist.com/2016/01/02/bead-angel/.) I took three of the beads and put one each on bracelets for me, Eddie, and Mateo. We were still wearing our bracelets the next day.

By the time the bruja arrived at the Bridge late the next morning, there was no room for her to set up anywhere near me or Eddie or Mateo. Vendors were packed in close together, and there was no place for anyone else to squeeze in. She was trying to figure out how to get in next to us when the self-proclaimed “president of the Bridge” came along and told her she could set up and sell across the street in the parking lot that also served as a sort of overflow vending area.

As soon as she’d been whisked away, Eddie, Mateo and I were talking about her, telling other vendors about her, laughing about how weird she’d been. We were not being kind.

While I was away from my table, the wind picked up momentarily as it often does out there. The wind strengthened, just briefly, just long enough to flip a lovely rainbow obsidian stone off my table and into the dirt.

The piece of rainbow obsidian had come from the bead angel too. I’d been told the stone was valuable, and I should be able to get at least $20 for it.

But now it was in the dirt, which is not a good place for a piece of obsidian to be. Obsidian is volcanic glass, and we all know glass is fragile. It’s not good for obsidian to fly off a table and hit the ground.

When I picked up the piece of obsidian, I saw it had broken. I was very sad. Eddie and Mateo–both rock guys–were sad for me.

Do I think the bruja knew I was talking about her behind her back and sent a gust of wind to throw the beautiful stone off the table? No. Do I think the Universe knew I was being unkind and sent a wind to teach me a lesson? Maybe. Maybe I do believe that. Do I think I should have stayed at my own table and paid attention to my own business instead of saying unkind things about another person? Yes. I definitely believe that.

Mateo, Eddie, and I saw the bruja drive away early in the afternoon. The heat and the sun must have gotten to her. We saw she had the remains of a bag of ice balanced on her head as she drove. As far as I know, she never returned to sell at the Bridge.

Snowflake Obsidian

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After I was given a large container of stones and beads by an angel at a thrift store (read that story here: http://www.rubbertrampartist.com/2016/01/02/bead-angel/), I started learning about the metaphysical properties of different shiny rocks from the Jewelry Lady’s copy of Love is in the Earth: a Kaleidoscope of Crystals by Melody. (For more information about Love is in the Earth go here:  https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/253102.Love_is_in_the_Earth?from_search=true&search_version=service.)

Among the stones I was given were bars of snowflake obsidian. I learned from Love is in the Earth that snowflake obsidian is good for helping to break patterns that are no longer useful. (The Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/notes/clubmojancom/metaphysical-descriptions-of-gemstones-descriptions-are-from-love-is-in-the-eart/150072162592/ gives short “metaphysical descriptions of gemstones from Love is in the Earth: a Kaleidoscope of Crystals.” The following is the description of snowflake obsidian given there:

It allows one to recognize the unnecessary pattern [sic] which remain in ones life and to re-design ones [sic] thought patters [sic] to provide relief from undesired conditions. It is the stone of purity and balance to the body, mind , and spirit.)

The book also said (although I haven’t been able to find documentation on the internet) the stone is good for helping a person embrace solitude when that’s the situation being faced.

I knew I definitely needed to break some patterns, and I needed to embrace my solitude, so I made myself a bracelet from some hemp and one of the snowflake obsidian bars.

I wasn’t really pleased by the way the finished bracelet looked, but I wore it anyway because I felt as if I needed the energy of the stone. I wore the bracelet all the time; I only took it off for my infrequent showers. As the days passed, I felt as if I were breaking patterns that no longer served me, as well as learning from and even enjoying my abundant time alone. Did the snowflake obsidian make those changes happen? I don’t know. Maybe the stone was simply a physical reminder of some areas of my life that needed improvement. In any case, I was glad for the positive changes.

One day I looked down and noticed that while the bracelet was still on my wrist, the stone had broken apart and was in two pieces. I thought it had broken along the line of the holes drilled in it, but upon closer inspection, I realized the break was nowhere near the holes. I could not determine the cause of the break.

Maybe you’ve broken your patterns, the Jewelry Lady said.

The next time I went to town, I bought some super glue. I glued the two pieces of the snowflake obsidian bar together and continued to wear the bracelet.

Days later, I looked down and again the stone was in two pieces.

Damn cheap glue, I grumbled, but when I looked closely at the stone, I saw the break was in a new spot. The original break was still held together by the glue.

I think the stone really was trying to tell me the no-longer-useful patterns were broken. It certainly felt that way to me.

(Later, my friend Em, who receives messages from angels and knows so much about spirituality told me I should have buried the stone the first time it broke.)

Old White People Crossing

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It was a slow weekday at the Bridge. More accurately, it was another slow weekday at the Bridge. The few tourists milling around were not buying, and all of the vendors were bored.

Gregorio was wandering around, talking to vendors, generally just passing the time. He strolled not very far out onto the Bridge and came back chuckling.

This is what he’d seen:

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No one I know has any idea who made the stencil (as it should be with street art), but I think the artist(s) did a great job. I love the details of the people’s hats and their stooped posture. The cane is a nice touch too. I think as a whole, the piece is hilarious.

Bead Angel

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I was homeless, living in a picnic pavilion at a busy tourist area.

I started earning a little money by making sage sticks to sell to tourists. To my surprise, people actually bought them. I took the money I earned and bought a couple of balls of hemp, some glass beads, a pair of scissors, and a tape measure. I made bracelets and necklaces from the hemp and beads, and to my surprise, people bought the jewelry too. In fact, I sold so many bracelets, I ran out of supplies to make more.

I hitchhiked into town early one morning. I walked through town to Stuff-Mart to get glass beads. The store was out of the jumbo pack of the beads with large holes that I wanted. Grrr! I found a smaller pack of beads with large holes, and while I wasn’t crazy about them, I decided they would do. I brought them up to the cash register. The cashier scanned them, and the register gave her some sort of message. She told me the beads had been recalled, and she couldn’t sell them to me.

I was furious and worried. I needed those beads. My livelihood literally depended on those beads.

I stalked out of Stuff-Mart and stomped down to the nearby thrift store, thinking maybe I’d find something there I could use. When I walked in, the women working there noticed my backpack and asked if I were a traveler. I said I was (which was close enough to what was going on with me) and then told them the saga of my day. I told them I sold jewelry to tourists at the Bridge and needed beads that Stuff-Mart didn’t have. I was the only customer in the store, and the ladies listened sympathetically to me.

One of the women said she had a bunch of beads her daughter-in-law had left behind when she moved out. She said she wasn’t going to use them, so she’d give them to me.

What an angel! What a miracle!

Several days later the Jewelry Lady picked up a big plastic container from the Bead Angel. At the Jewelry Lady’s casita, we sorted through the contents. In addition to glass and metal beads, we found many beautiful stones. There were large aventurine and turquoise teardrops, bars of snowflake obsidian for making bracelets, and an absolutely gorgeous piece of rainbow obsidian.

It was such a wonderful gift. Those nice stone beads helped me make necklaces for which I could ask higher prices. I was incredibly grateful

Tallying Up My Happiness

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On this first day of a new year, I am going to follow up my own advice, and instead of tallying up my net worth, I’m going to tally up my happiness.

The van is running. The van, as far as I can tell, is running well. The van just took me 450 miles. Also? The van has four tires less than a year old.

I laugh a lot. I have friends who make me laugh, and I make my own self laugh. I see lots of humor in the world.

I pretty much go where I want and do what I want. I get to see things I’ve never seen before and revisit places I love.

Nobody’s yelling at me.

I have stacks and stacks of books to read. I probably have six months of reading stashed in bins and tubs. I love reading. I love, love, love reading, so having books on hand makes me feel secure.

My camera takes nice photos.

I live in a cozy, colorful environment. (The interior of my vanhome is basically an art installation.)

I’m healthy. I get myself out of bed in the morning without too much trouble. I can walk and bend and bike and reach and skip. I can breathe. My teeth don’t hurt, and I’m not having frequent headaches. Overall, this earthly container of mine is doing just fine.

It’s January, and I’m warm.

I have friends in fourteen different states. I have friends who invite me to stay with them. I have friends who miss me when I am gone. I have friends who love me.

There are dollars in my pocket.

My laptop allows me to access the internet, which lets me find jobs and stay in touch with friends and learn new things and connect with people all over world.

I didn’t lose anyone I love in 2015.

I am creative and imaginative. I can use my hands to create jewelry and hats and collages.

I spent over 5 months living with and teaching others about giant sequoias.

I can listen to music when I drive.

I’ve got plenty of clothes to wear. Most of them cost about $1. Most of them are bright and colorful.

My blog looks really, really good.

People read what I write.

I have a good life.